The Honour in Old Keys

 

The Honour in Old Keys

Last year we started a bit of this and I said this has to be for some other day, well this is the season and we will take our time, no rush. I know some parents you are reading this, am grateful let’s stick together.

I remember saying it's really surprising when you are in a relationship and the key figures in your life know nothing about it. I also remember saying if your parents can't know of your relationship, you don't need one. If you can't tell your Pastor or your father in the Lord, you don't need one. If your friends know but not your parents or guardian nor your religious leaders, you don't need it buddy. ✍️This should be for some other day, but realise there are some wisdom only hidden in your parents and not your pastor, some in your pastor and not your parents. When you dishonour this wisdom, it may not end well with you.

You see, sometimes when I sit down and look back to the days I was young and further back to the days of our parents, I kinda miss those days. There’s a way of life from back then that our generation has discarded in the name of modernisation. We have always believed that it’s a sign of maturity when you start making decisions on your own. Well that’s right but I feel like that ideology misses something. May I suggest to you that maturity is not when you start making your own decisions, but maturity is when you know who to make your decisions with.  
Aha we will back this up later but hear me, just because you can make decisions without some people in your life doesn’t really make you mature. It’s good to understand that immaturity is also seen when you are alone, so, careful. Get honest with your life, how many of the decisions you made on your own have lived with admiration?

A good number of us have tried relationships without engaging our parents. “They just don’t understand kuti stuff yi panopa ikuyenda bwanji” you speak that and you think you are making sense. Some of us the reason we keep trying relationships is very because we don’t engage or don’t know when, where and how to engage parents in our relationships. You are lying if you think you can make it  with disrespecting the authority that God placed to watch over you. You cannot dishonour what God has honoured and expect to be honoured, never.  So, who are parents and why were you given one? 

Day 6: 16 January 2023

We cannot overlook the importance of parents in this world. There is no child that just fell from heaven  without coming through parents. Even God Himself when He was coming to earth, He had to come through what we call parents. If God had to respect the role of parents, this has to show us how honourable parents are. Now today you and me we cannot bypass the role of parents in our lives just because we seem of age. We gotta understand where to place parents if we are to lead lives well.

 For today, let’s define who parents are. Parents are a make up of a father and a mother. A man is called a father and a woman a mother at the existence of an offspring. Other than that, he is a husband and she a wife. Father or mother are names that come at the existence of a certain responsibility. It’s if we look at such responsibilities that we can perhaps define who a father or mother is. 

In general, parents:  a father or mother is one who is responsible for the birth of another being. These are the origin from which another being descends from.

 Now, how one descends from them is a collaboration work. Culturally in patrilineal, a child belongs to the man’s side while matrilineally the child belongs to the woman’s side. This is something that I don’t understand since I was a child. Because I always ask this question: did you produce the child alone? 

If both you the father and mother were involved in the production of that child, why then are you the only one owning the child? Besides, are you not one body? Just a thought. But what we are saying is that a child is the product of the communion between a husband and wife.

 None of these on their own can bring about a child. God made us in such a way that two genotypes (man and woman) has to fuse together to bring about a phenotype. This phenotype exhibits characters from both of the genotypes that it is originating from. What am I saying: you exist because your father and mother each had something to offer, you descend from both of them.

Now, we have heard of biological and  non-biological parents: you become a father or mother for a biological function that you play. But you can also become a father or mother non-biologically when you are executing the responsibilities of such on a child.

That’s another definition: one who executes the responsibility of a father or mother. You may not be the origin of the child and yet be called a father or mother of that child. 

Some months ago while back at school, there is this child from the community that had some school issues. We had some dialogue with him to find out what was going on and I went with him one day to his school and had a dialogue too with the authorities there and yeah we met ends. When I came back, I reported to my colleagues how it all went. Then in the midst of reporting, one of the colleagues softly asked me, “...You did that?🙂”

With how she asked, I thought I did something wrong, “Yeeaah😶” I replied waiting that she tells me where I didn’t do right, but her next statement caught me off guard and left me with little words. She said, “Wow, you are a father-figure. What you did is something that a father can do…” 

Honestly, I felt calm, humbled, happy, grateful and I just said thank you with a smile on my face🥲. To me what I did was no big deal until she said these words. It made me realise with another eye that responsibility can earn you names: father, mother and so forth.

We gotta realise that you can biologically be called a father or mother, but fail to become one. There is a difference between being called a father or mother and becoming a father or mother. On top of you being called one, responsibility makes you one. So, in the coming days can we define a father or mother in terms of responsibility. Tomorrow let’s start with father.

Day 7: 17 January 2023

From the reading that I did plus some studies, it all drove me to this point that no one paints a good picture of a Father than God. So, aha a father gotta be like Jesus. Thus, the things that we will be sharing are not all that there is, we cannot exhaust them. Let's go on🪔

🪔1. Origin

As we saw yesterday, a father is the origin of another being. You see, treat this point with attention. The bible says, A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Can I say this as an advice: be a good tree. All this chaos we are seeing in the world didn’t and doesn’t just happen, they have an origin. You might be the next origin of chaos or be an origin of good news; it all depends on your choice buddy.

🪔As a father, it’s your responsibility to understand what you are made of and thereby what can possibly come out of you. Because no lie, you will produce after your own kind. God cannot be mocked; if you are a cheater, you will produce a cheater who will even cheat more skillfully than you do. If you are a liar, wait for it haha you will produce one. Muli ku school munkanama to get pocket money from your parents, easy😂your child will even do it better than you. Isaac was not there when his father Abraham lied about Sarah being his sister, but yet Isaac repeated the same lie. Genotype in the phenotype😅

What am I saying: be responsible in all that you are. Your child might not be here yet but he or she is learning the mischief or the good that you are. You are the origin.

Nde pali makolo ena mukapsa mtima, you are careless with your words. Am sorry but it’s better that you hear this in order that you stop embarassing yourself in front of your kids and those listening to you. Mumanena mwana wobereka nokha kuti ndi mbuzi, chitsiru iyeyi, galu iyeyi and whatever you would release. Hhm do you know the embarassment that you display when you do that?🥲

Kodi mbuzi imabereka munthu kapena mbuzi imnzake? Mbuzi ofcourse. Nanga galu amabereka munthu or galu mnzake - galu ndithudi. Now, ngati mwanayo ali mbuzi, womuberekayo ndi munthu kapena mbuzi imnzake? Mbuzi obviously. Pepani ndithudi but this is what you exactly say when you call a child such names🤷‍♂️ Sorry for you, osamachita iz, this is ungodly.

You are the origin of that child. If the child is a fool, he sucked that foolishness from you. So please stop embarassing yourself. Speak a good word on that child. What you don’t realise is that because you are consistently naming the child as dull, you impart that into his spirit and it will manifest so. Be responsible please, know what comes out of you. 

For it pleased Him, God comes to a man when He wants to talk about a nation. He said to Abraham that He will make him a great nation. The same word stands for a man today. You carry a nation in you. Father that nation with responsibility. It’s all on you whether your nation will be strong or weak, wise or foolish.

🪔2. Leader

Husband you are the head of the wife, so are you the head of the family; Your family can run out of ideas but not you, you’re the head, the head thinks: you reason for your family. As a father you are trusted to lead your family. Paul was like husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church. 

Aha if you’re being likened to love with the love of Christ, then like Christ you have to say to your family “follow me and I will make you and us this”.

Your family has to willingly follow you like how peter and Andrew did. The bible calls you a manager and it has always portrayed that in the garden of Eden. It says you must manage your own family well and see that your children obey you, and you must do so in a manner worthy of full respect (1 Timothy 3). 

A leader who lacks respect, respect will lack him. If you got Christ, well respect cannot deny you. Lead your life well, and your wife and children will follow well. Yes, don’t tell children to follow well when you are not leading well. It starts with you.

Day 8: 18 January 2023

At the end of time all these things we are sharing will fall into one piece. I appreciate big time for being there and the feedbacks, it’s great to know we are flowing together.  Let’s proceed by saying that children are talents given to you parents. At the end of the day, God will hold you accountable of what you did with  the kids that He gave you. Likewise, children you will account of what you did with your parents.

Now God being the one who entrusts you with children, you’re just a custodian who has a master you report to. You make a good leader as a father when you realise you have a boss you take orders from and follow His lead. Do you go to God to ask how He wants you to raise the children under your care. Your children are within the designated territory if you too are within limits of who you follow to lead those who follow you.

🪔3. Provider

This is too general but you are called to provide as a father out of what God is providing for you. Some father said one of the worries that fathers have is the number of mouths they have to feed. Well, family is a blessing yeah, that shouldn’t be a worry, God should be sufficient to feed that family through you. 

🙂When was the last time that you bought your kids some nice clothes? When was the last time you took your kids out to have fun? Aha fun is an emotional support. When was the last time you praised them for their good deeds? When was the last time you supported your kids in their God-given gifts? Yeah school is important, but school is not all there is to life. Stop only telling your kids to work hard in school, tell them to work hard too in their gifts. It is written, a man’s gift makes room for him and brings him before great men. School is just a route for the gift.

 I will give you my example: from childhood I have always been fond of technological devices and I wouldn’t have a problem learning to use them on my own. When I got to secondary school, I started taking computer lessons and one time with a friend, Clever Sibale and I were chosen to participate in python Student coding festival at Mzuzu University. My teacher was calling me Mr. Python, he saw I was good at it for some reason. But honestly, It's not like I knew much about programming, but I could easily understand it and try out a few things till we came up with some working code. We called it Smart Traveler Guide, and we got our school in position 3. Finishing up my form 4, I ended up being the best computer studies student of our class. When it was time to go to university, my dad wanted me to study business programs, whilst my mom wanted me to be in the medical field. But my heart was in computers, that’s what I easily flowed in.

So, my first three choices were all IT and by God’s grace I was enrolled in IT field, learning how to do business using IT, yoh I was happy🥹. And tell you what, I can’t say I have struggled with my school nah, I enjoyed it; I was there studying something that was just perfecting what am good at. 

But I still don’t know if my parents knew what their boy was good at. And now if am going to work, it’s not my degree working, it’s the gift which school perfected at work now, am still flowing in what am good at and I will enjoy work at the end of the day.

What am I saying: there are things that you easily do and there are things that you put effort to do; give your kids that school to support them in what they easily do. Aha I felt I should speak that.

🪔4. Healer

Jesus said He was here to heal the brokenhearted, to set at liberty those that are bruised and He does that. Now you as a father being likened to love like Christ, you are a healer for your family.

In the world there is trouble that can hurt your children, and you must see their pain and heal them from such. Be the arms of comfort that they can submit themselves in. People would run to Jesus to seek healing, your children are supposed to run to you when they are hurt and broken. 

🥲If they don’t run to you, ask yourself why. If it’s not you, they have somewhere else they run to. My question is, is where they run to safe and a promise of healing or yet another pain? Family is the safest place to run to, but father, have you provided such a safe family?

Day 9: 19 January 2023

🪔5. Protector

Jesus coming all the way from heaven to die for the world that was lost was Him protecting what is His. When you love someone, you protect what you love. You are ready to lose something just to keep what you love. A father wouldn’t mind leaving his honour and go for his one sheep. God giving you a masculine body is also a symbol of what you carry with you. Naturally a woman is soft bodied, the reason a man is hard bodied is also to say you can guard the soft. Get your muscle in place and protect your family.

You cannot stay out in late nights when you’re supposed to be home; vulnerability is inevitable. A family feels secure when dad is home. Be able to excuse yourself from some pleasure just to be with your family. Be able to deny yourself some sleep, get on your knees and guard your family with prayer. Be the fence built around your family, you must say to threats that “Before you get to my family, go through me”, you’re the muscle of the family buddy. No one has to insult and disrespect your family in your presence, no father allows that. Be able to lay down your life just for the sake that your family lives.

🪔6. Teacher

How a child makes choices in life also depends on what you taught that child. Of course, your kid will learn things automatically out there as exposure comes in, and it’s your duty to correct the wrong  doctrines. Discipline that child with love, for a father disciplines the one he loves.  Don’t call the child ungodly names, don’t curse that child. It’s God’s expectation that you show the kid the way of God as a way of life. You protect your children with what you teach them.

There’s a lot of a father but that’s for you to find out. You are a father or you will become one someday, discover what God has called such a man to do. It’s amazing. From here, let’s talk the mother.