The Will of Love 2

 

The Will of Love : Commitment

Hie, in the last talk we said it is all out of choice that you love a person, you choose to stay and commit yourself to the relationship you have with that person. Okay, it’s awesome to commit yourself to what you should and you can be all good, everything okay, you know what you want and what you are doing and whom you’re wanting and doing it for. All that can be just okay but if you happen that you’re committing yourself to the wrong thing or person, guy you hurt and you would regret to have committed yourself to such, you would even at times start questioning yourself beyond what you should. So let’s help each other here before that happens and if it already has, let’s get a new start with you. You wanna commit yourself to building that relationship, that connection, great!!! But what should you commit yourself to? Who should you commit yourself to?

In march 2021, we talked on the topic: Who Needs Who, if you remember via WhatsApp forum. We looked at what it means when we say there goes a man or woman. As well, we talked about who you need actually and I listed 3 things that are applying in today’s talk as well, you need God, Yourself and Your other version (for today’s talk I would like to rather use; the other person). Before we go further, let’s understand that a relationship is very important in one’s life. Am sticking to the same definition of relationship I gave you in the last part. So, you out of whatever you have experienced you be like, "I wanna be alone, people you are so hurting and I don’t want to hurt you either, I wanna be alone". Hear this, I know how awful your situation could have been but that is not an excuse either for you to work against God’s purpose for creating a relationship. Out of all things God created and when He sat down on His own evaluating everything, the only thing He confirmed and was like, No no no this is NOT GOOD was man to be alone. Then, God resolved to making man a companion, He made people for man and booom relationship was born. It’s not healthy for you to be alone, you need people. The time you are alone, that’s when the devil comes close to you. Jesus was alone when the devil showed up to tempt him. Eve was alone when the devil shot his shot. God saw all this and He thought it wise to give man people after his own kind to help him, to pick him up when he’s down, to share his joy, pain and all that. Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12 says two are better than one because one will lift his fellow who is down. 

You hear me, you need people, don’t be alone. BUT understand me am not saying you shouldn’t have some time alone. Separate yourself from people but come back to them. Jesus would separate himself and be alone talking to God, so, He was there talking to himself, God talking to God…hahaa I love this guy. And after all that, He would come back to His people. Jesus operated in a relationship setup and He’s still doing that now. You cannot be there and be like I don’t need people unless you’re up against God.

Now, you need people but it’s not everyone whom you need. Some people will come and go, and when it’s time for them to leave, let them leave please coz it’s not everyone who you will go with to your next level. Release them when the time is due. People will hurt you and some will give you best moments and I always say this; all the people you meet are important in your life. I ask a question, what have you learnt from the people you have met so far? Um you cannot trust everyone! great, and what has that scenario taught you? Okay, see the pain caused yeah but acknowledge the good thing you have gotten out of it. Because focusing on the pain and the bad things done gets you nowhere other than bitterness. I want you to dig deep and find the benefit hidden in that pain.

So yeah, you need people but it’s not everyone who you should need, it’s not everyone you can commit yourself to. The pain sometimes comes because your commitment was given to something you did not need. As highlighted earlier you need 3 things; God, yourself and the other person. We see this setup in the old testament and reemphasized in the new testament. In Genesis, the placement is God, man and the other person. In the new testament, God, Jesus said that again in the commandment of love; God, yourself and the other person. That’s the order. Commit yourself to God, to yourself and then the other person.

The issue is on the other person yeah, who should you commit to exactly? God’s purpose for existing the other person was to help you and that’s the one you need to commit to. If your friends are not helping you, if this relationship is not helping you, if this thing you’re giving your time to is not helping you, if this colleague is not helping you, Don't commit to it. Nevertheless, if it’s marriage, then am sorry you need to commit, it’s a life-covenant you just can’t break it like that. When I say commit to what is helping you, understand that you can be helped into the wrong or good. And being helped into the good either would be neutral or purposive.

• By neutral I mean such relationship that does not harm you and does not take you anywhere. You can be there laughing day in day out, having fun, having a good time with friends and that, time going but you staying in the same place. You can have people to be there when you’re sad and be made happy again but staying right where you are. This is a relationship that makes sure you’re good and taken care of at that position where you are, no addition no subtraction. We need it yes but this is secondary.   

• Purposive relationship is one that pushes you into the role, into the purpose that God made you for. In this one, you can laugh day in day out, have fun and a good time but am telling you at the end of the day you’re ushered into your purpose. You go sad and have people comforting you and that encounter ushers you into your role, am telling you. I have met such relationship. And this is primary, this is the kinda relationship that God wants for man, this is what he means by the words helping you. Have a relationship that ushers you into fulfilling your purpose, and when you find it, commit yourself to it. It’s worth your investment.

Don’t ever commit yourself to a relationship that is pulling you away from your purpose, that is pulling you away from your identity; it’s not helping you, you’re too expensive to lose yourself just because you have known that person for a long time, just because she’s too beautiful and he’s too handsome, just because you are afraid you gonna find nobody like her, like him, it sounds logical but it’s not healthy, are you hearing me.

It is the same story, if you want to commit to the other person, commit to yourself first. And far most, commit to God. It’s a lot easier to commit when God is the first. He teaches you how you can commit to yourself out of the commitment you’re giving him, and he stretches it out on which another person you can then commit to and how exactly. Remember, love everyone but it ain’t everyone you commit to.

As a finish line let me say, allow God to be the standard of your relationship. Don’t allow the relationship to set a standard for you, otherwise we will get it twisted. It doesn’t have to define to you how a relationship looks like, other than the one who made it.