Relational Tips

Relational Tips

Hie🙃I hope you're good, right. Am pretty beautiful too this side. So, yes we meet again. At this point in time, let's just share each other some general points to consider as far as relationships are concerned.

1. Be Single

Important, single yourself out. Relationships are easy to do when you are single, when you are one and yourself. Don't undertake this project out of pressure, enjoy your season. This is the time to discover God and discover who you are, to build yourself, to characterise yourself into character, to learn, to unlearn.

You're big now but umayamwabe either your chala or pen; probably you were denied that activity when you were young. See, a skipped stage is your next stage🚏, you will stop at it!

When you don't serve your singlehood, be sure that you will want to be single whilst already in the bus. You will begin to pursue yourself, finding meaning to your life, dealing with issues that you tamed all along. It catches up with you. Single, that’s the time to be content with yourself and become the one. God's math says 1+1=1, you just have to become one with yourself if you're to tarry with that person, the one.

2. Be alone

It's not good for man to be alone. Singleness ushers you into aloneness. Alone is not you being lonely, nop, it's a place where things about you have been embeded into one, ALL in ONE, alone. You become capable of just being the one handling multiple. It's from this place that God says no, it's not good for you to handle all these things by yourself, you need someone to help you. Moses at one time was like this, one man at work, until a resolution was made that he gets people to help him with the work. So, it takes you being alone for God to say it's not good for you to be alone. Are you alone?

3. Heal

Whilst you're single and alone, embrace healing for yourself. Am talking to rich people🙂 when you take your car to a mechanic, you don’t have to be around when they are fixing it coz eee mtima umagunda when you see how they dismantle your car. Same, God does these two things:

i. To fix you, He breaks you

It happens alot when you're single. It hurts, but yeah that's God fixing you, bringing the best in you. Is there some toxic character in you? Yep, God will operate on you, and it's no fun when He does.

ii. He builds you to break you

There's a time when God breaks you just to fix you and build you into something. And then, there comes a time after being built when God breaks you. Not because He has issues with you, nop, but to share you with someone.

Jesus said He's the bread of life, and on the last supper, He demonstrated Himself: He broke the bread (Himself) and shared the bread (Himself) with others. Get this for yourself; if God works on you, you will have to be shared. Embrace you singleness, God builds you in it, and He later shares you. These two points should speak this to you: You are not shared as a patient. Heal first!

Those wounds that you got from whatever relationship that you have encountered, be it family, friends, love relationships or whatever. Please do heal🙏 If there's a danger about a person who is not single, is sickness. Bad experiences can effect the sickness into a lot areas of your life. You can't love whilst sick, no, you infect the other person and make them begin feeling they are not doing better at loving you. Don't harbour sickeness, there's JESUS out here! Let go and allow healing to flow....

There's always something born from a seed; singleness, aloneness and the healing alongside gives birth to:

4. Intentionality

You will want to be intentional about everything concerning your life. Be intentional about these 3 things:

i. Your purpose

The 3 things we shared yesterday aligns you better with your purpose. The goal is not to get someone who excites you, but someone who can walk your purpose with you and for you. Don’t trade this one!

ii. Your promise

A partner is a promise from God for you, if you are alone. Be intentional about this promise; prepare for it, cultivate it if you already have it, change for it, sacrifice for it! We fail because we lack knowledge; learn from God, get books! Ask questions, learn from people who are representing this well, connect to the grace and run with it.

iii. Communication

Important, communicate with your promise! No matter how ideal you two are, but you won't connect if you don't communicate. Be intentional about having conversations than interrogations. Don't communicate to him or her, communicate with him or her. Don’t communicate when you feel like it, communicate often, it matters!

You can't just feed your conversations with jokes and talks that are gap fillers just for the record that you have talked that day. No, have intentional conversations where intentionally you talk about things that will help you know each other. Daily hi, how are you, utani aaaa🥱 You say suutha kukamba nkhani, sivuto lako inde but learn! Short answers seriously kill the vibe, LEARN to keep a conversation!

Create an environment where this person you like can feel comfortable with you. Kumasuka kuli apo, but it starts with the environment itself. I can't talk a lot again about this topic: please revisit the topic The Art of Relationship. Relationships blossom or die with communication. Take this one seriously and learn it for yourself.

5. Clarity

Intentionality goes with clarity, be clear with your things. Decisions are easy to make when there is clarity. When your singleness, aloneness and health is good, you surely begin to see things clearly. You are clear why you have to be intentional, you're clear why you have to be clear. When clarity is not, ambiguity is. Do not except clear responses from ambigous actions. Be clear with your words, what exactly are you saying? What meaning are you meaning?...Be clear about these: your desire and the nakedness of your desire. Let's explain...

i. Be clear about what you want

Purpose guides you on who to take along with you. Amongst those things on your list, be clear about:

a. Physicality

know what your physical attraction to another person looks like. Is it you like the skin colour, her hair, her eyes or her flavour? Be careful to adjust your preference too; what you get might not always be what's on your list. Some of these physical features are things that we can develop in the person, and some, there's nothing we can do about them. So, know what you are working with.

b. Mindset & Emotions 

Mixed emotions are not a good place to make a decision from. Confusion is not in God, sit back and clear the confusion. Love is not emotions, true, but it does produce emotions. If God made emotions, they matter and they say something. We love better when we trust each other with our emotions. I want to know how you feel variably, that’s how we connect. So, be clear about how you feel about him or her, and trust him or her with that clear emotion.

Mindset, this is the center of your decisions; Be clear about your values, perspectives, beliefs. Know how your mind works and be clear that your mind is renewed, transformed and sound. Otherwise, you sure will be a hard time to your partner. You wanna get someone who shares your values and your mindset. Where you need to unlearn and learn, learn. Mindset, your judgement is behind how you feel. What information are you eating and keeping? Hurt is information, you might want to delete it.

c. Spirituality

Know  what Spirituality looks like to God, not you. Don't get someone who goes to church, fasts a lot, knows lots of verses, bursts in different tongues or that, Nop. Get someone with the ability to yield to God. Look for that spirit in them that fears the Lord. Because trust me, we have people in the church who can pray, tongueate, sing and all sorts but they don’t fear God. There's no spirituality minus the fear of God. So, careful.

Check your list, am sure they fall in these 3 things. You are in 3: flesh, soul and spirit. Attain sound clarity in all these. Let your clarity be based on how God sees these matters. Please, don't develop your own manual, go by God's.

ii. Be clear about your intention

Whenever it works for you without taking long unnecessarily, let her know why you are talking to her. Communicate your intention to her. Because, your intention paves way to what she can give to you. I always say, Don’t expect communication from an uncommunicated expectation. Don't confuse her as whether you're coming to her like a shepherd, a friend or what. 

Ladies, be clear too about the intention of the man towards you. Are you willing to reciprocate to the intention, or not? Tell it clearly. Don't promise what you won't do😊

6. Authority

For humanity, God constituted authority, we are governed by that. You are known by the authority you reign with. Authority comes from authority. By what authority are you authorised to lead your life the way do? Check the authority your partners sits under, it determines the authority he or she carries.

i. Spiritual authority

The Holy Spirit is your mentor and Spiritual Father, but He does that using a person. He trusts a person spiritually over you. We all need that person we can be accountable to and submit to spiritually.

Ine za ma mentor ndi ma spiritual fathers ayi, how dare you have a partner with no authority over him or her? That's not spiritual! Spirituality demands that you sit under the authority that God has constituted over you.

Let me repeat: Chifukwa chakuti this man of God amakusangalatsani, and you've validated his ability to guide you coz ndodziwika bwino, you like his style...so you choose to sit under him, izi tikuti yayi! Did you choose your parents? No, you didn't, God did. Same, God Himself chooses who to guide you spiritually, not you! You better ask Him for one!

Aha of course, when you sit under the wrong doctrine, yoh even your authority is crooked. Allow yourself to trust in God to trust a man with your life as far as your spirituality is concerned. When He does, follow that man, submit to him and your authority surely will be from an authorised authority.

Hear me, you only follow one man. Because of your seasons, there is something that God might want to drop unto you, and so He draws you to these different men of God. Listen to them for that, but they are not who you are following. You follow he who was given to you. I love this confession that my spiritual father always says, "Don't follow me, follow Christ..." Christ is the standard, not that man of God. Enanu all you see is the life of that man of God, don't make him an idol. Follow him as he follows Christ!

ii. Parental authority

Before that mentor and spiritual father, parents are the first mentors and spiritual fathers that God gave you. You receive your first authority from them. Honour your parents that it may be well with you. Something is wrong if your mentor or spiritual father causes you to dishonour your first authority. We talked about parents, revisit The honour in old keys.

So, take this from here: get someone who submits to authority, given figures he or she respect as unto God. These are figures you might need to consult about him or her about some things. And because he or she listens to them, directions are easy to be sought. These are figures mutha kukamunenerako and expect graceful help. Munthu udzikhala ndamene umamuwopa, umamangiririka bwino.

7. Boundaries

Know who you are to that partner of yours. You're a girlfriend or boyfriend, not a wife nor a husband. You're a fiancee, good, but not a wife nor a husband. So, don’t give to a girlfriend what a husband gives to a wife. Don't give to a boyfriend what a wife gives to a husband. Know your limits!

Your body belongs to your husband or wife, that's why the Bible says to avoid sexual immorality, get yourself a husband or wife, not a boyfriend, and not a girlfriend! Preserve yourself! Have something that you will present as a gift to your husband or wife. Something that you will say babe I kept this for you, I protected my body for you, here it is. Keep yourself to present yourself as a gift to him or her.

Mma university mo, makolo anu sakudziwa kuti enanu you are married, and you sleep in the same room on the same bed with this boy and this girl, rubbish! Like it or not, some of you have a certificate in heaven signed by God that you're married. Careful with what you do, know your limits! Boundaries are meant to protect you, God made them already, follow them...

8. Be FAT

Lastly, this is some concept I learnt about discipleship, and I think it also works relational wise. It means be:

i. Faithful

Mkaziyo mwamkonda ndikumsankha nokha; inunso mwamunayo wakusangalatsani ndikumvomera nokha. Thus, be satisfied! One man, one woman is enough. God made one woman for one man, cheating is not part and parcel of relationships. Ati zimachitika, njeee usatana..machimo sizomawapatsa ulemu apa!

Uyu ndi wa ine wa ine wa ine eeeh🎶...chaani?👀 Inu, it's obvious that these are two girls who are aware that this man is double crossing them, koma nkumalimbana, kusinthana zichewa chifukwa cha tambwali of a man..nxaa like really, are you okay? Should you stoop this low, what's the matter with you?  This man is not faithful, si husband nso ayi, udwale zoona moti? Chifukwa cha chibwenzi?🌝 Penapake eti kumaona zinthu worthy fighting for. Mwini wake adayambitsa zama relationship is faithful, ife tutengera ndani? Unfaithfulness hurts, it's detestable, hate it too!

ii. Available

It feels like am in a relationship with myself...ever heard such a confession? You can be present in the relationship but not available to your partner. A good example is church, you can be present in church that day, but God deals with those that are available for Him among those present. 

Be available, accessible at the right time, in the right format, in the right amount...Your partner shouldn't feel alone in a place where you were thought to be the reason why it's not good for him or her to be alone.

iii. Teachable

We meet as work in progress. We are given to each other as a raw material that can be made into something. God leaves that room in us for us. We will not agree in everything, tidzikwiyitsana and all that, but how do we move forward? We do when we are teachable.

Like someone enough to like what they like. It means you will hate what they hate. But what happens when what you hate is what I like, and what you like is what I hate? Exactly, that's where the language of the relationship is born.

I said, your personal love languages benefit you, not your partner. But this language of the relationship benefits all of you. It brings you into an utterance that works for both of you, not one of you. If you can teach each other, you give birth to this language. You are different, understand zina ndithudi mudzikhulana. But have a teachable heart. Nane mpume, till we meet again. Hope these things have helped you💪 Stay blessed🔥