What Do You Want?

 

What do you want?

There are some questions that are key to the stability and success of your life. Unless you answer such questions, somehow somewhere you end up missing out on the important course. Such one question is, what do you want? Clarity of the desire of your heart is road to contentment. What you don't know you want cannot be all there is even when you have it. It shall be of meaning to you when you have it only if you wanted it in the first place. So, what do you want?

What do you want? This has been an important question I had to answer for the past 2-3 months. At first it looked as a simple question to answer, but the more I thought about it is the more deep I saw it. In every sphere of life, you gotta know what you want, but today: what do you want for a relationship; you're single and searching, that's good, but who do you want?

If you cannot answer this question yet, then let the relationship wait. You gotta figure out this part of you first. The beauty of your relationship depends on your clarity to this question.

Of course I know what I want, I want a beautiful person, that's obvious bro, everyone wants that. I want someone who understands me, someone I can talk to, someone I can smile with, someone that we can understand each other even in silence. I mean that's wonderful and good desires, but everyone wants that. When you are still wanting what everyone wants, then be still; yourself would appreciate that big time.

Hear me, it's okay to like what everyone likes, it's okay to want what everyone wants but that's not enough. You got to want something that everyone doesn't want but only you. There's just has to be something distinct that you want, search for that. It's not enough to want someone who understands you: what do you mean by 'understanding'? What do you mean someone who understands you? Who is you? When do you want to be understood? Where do you want to be understood? How do you want to be understood? Yes, lay down the details, be clear about it, that's where a clear relationship is within. You can't be vague like that and expect a clearly defined and centric response. Ambiguity is the enemy of clarity. Be clear!

Let's proceed from the point to say there's a bigger picture in the details of your want. Define your want, when, where and how you want it. This is not all too; you can be clear about all these dimensions of your desire and still miss it. Add one more question: why do you want what you want? Without a definite reason, your want won't satisfy you. Everything else revolves around the reason; you will know what to want in your want if reason is available, you will know when, where and how you want it if you know why you want that particular thing.

Why do you want it? If you answer this question well, then you're bound to answer the rest well too. Start with the why and draw out answers from there. Is it simple to answer, it's both yes and no depending on the route you have taken. It's simple when you begin from who you are, you easily define your need from the definition of you. You cannot know your need when you don't know who you are. Not the you per your definition, but God's definition of you. Without knowing you, let me submit to you that the question isn't easy to answer. To make things easier, begin from YOU.

Lastly, let me say something in proceeding with 'someone who understands you' as your want. By the way, it's not the person that you want, it's the ability to be understood that you're looking for. Thus, you look for the person who has this ability in him or her.

So, why do you want to be understood? You have an answer yes, but let me further ask you: if your relationship has everything you would ever desire but the person along the way gets to lack the ability to understand you, would you still be with this person and feel wanted, feel loved all the same?

Let me ask it inversely: suppose your relationship doesn't have everything you want but this person always has the ability to understand you, would you all the same remain there and feel that yees you're loved?

With these further question or more, what am trying to let you see is that the reason why you want what you want is able to tell you whether what you want is core to your life or not. If you take out gasoline in a car, you have immobilised it. Same way with you, there are some things that you want but are not wants to you, they are needs. Without them, your relationship cannot move. Likewise, some wants are just wants, your relationship will still survive without them. So what do you do? Dig deeper why you want what you want. Keep asking questions to every answer you get. That will tell you whether you're looking for a want or need. Take your time!